Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Some Personal Thoughts on Wedding Traditions to Keep, Break, or Make Your Own

There is something wild about the fact that we’ve been getting married — for love, for money, for alliances, for lineage — for thousands of years, and yet, somehow, we’re still deciding what it all means.

And I think that is a good thing.

Because what is a tradition if not a story we keep telling? Sometimes we pass it down, intact. Sometimes we rewrite it. Sometimes we toss it in the bin entirely and light a new candle in its place.

The thing about wedding traditions is that most of us inherit them without question. We assume the receiving line, the bouquet toss, the bridal party, the white dress, and the cake cutting just are. As if the wedding wouldn’t feel complete without them.

But from someone hundreds of weddings, camera in hand: The most memorable, magnetic, emotionally resonant moments of a wedding day aren’t the ones that followed tradition to the letter. They’re the ones where the couple treated their wedding like a living reflection of themselves.

The Traditions Worth Keeping

Some traditions stay not because we’re supposed to keep them, but because they still work.

Like a first look, which is not traditional in the historical sense, but one of the newer rituals that I think we’ll keep for a while. It’s less about photos and more about creating space for a moment of connection for just the two of you.

Or honoring family through sentimental attire or jewelry, walking down the aisle with your parents, or dedicating a special dance to them, which is not done by default, but by desire. These are traditions that root you to something older than yourself.

We hold on to the traditions that remind us where we come from and where we want to go.

The Traditions Worth Breaking

So many traditions were created with outdated ideas of ownership, purity, and heteronormativity in mind. But you are not a symbol to be paraded, and your wedding doesn’t need to be performed for anyone.

You’re not required to entertain your guests with a weird, half-drunk spectacle of watching the bridesmaid who caught the bouquet and the groomsmen who caught the carter share an awkward dance.

Your guests don’t need a catered plated dinner.

You don’t need anyone to walk you down the aisle and “give you away”.

You’re allowed to skip the cake cutting if you don’t like cake.

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen - pick them, skip them, make it a mixed nongendered crew, or skip it altogether.

You don’t even have to wear white.

There are a million ways you can make a wedding day that feels like an extension of your values, your relationship, your story. So this is your permission to break from any tradition that feels empty. If it makes you cringe or uncomfortable, it gives you the ick. If it turns your wedding into a performance instead of a presence.

The Traditions You Can Make Your Own

But the fun of planning you wedding, the art of it all, is in making it your own.

Start your marriage with traditions that are both old and new.

Create a ritual that is entirely yours.

You get to decide what marks the moment. You get to decide what feels sacred.

Because a wedding isn’t just about “how it’s done.” It’s about the singular story of you two, standing in front of your people, promising to build something no one else could replicate, not even if they tried.

And that, in itself, is a tradition worth starting.